Sports
Football
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"Gentlemen, it is better to have died a small boy than to fumble the football."
- John Heisman
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"I make my practices real hard because if a player is a quitter, I want him to quit in practice, not in a game."
– Bear Bryant / Alabama
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"It isn't necessary to see a good tackle, you can hear it!”
- Knute Rockne / Notre Dame
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"At Georgia Southern, we don't cheat. That costs money, and we don't have any."
– Erik Russell / Georgia Southern
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"The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely to be the one who dropped it."
- Lou Holtz / Arkansas - Notre Dame
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"When you win, nothing hurts."
- Joe Namath / Alabama
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"A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall."
- Frank Leahy / Notre Dame
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"There's nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you."
- Woody Hayes / Ohio State
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"I don't expect to win enough games to be put on NCAA probation. I just want to win enough to warrant an investigation."
- Bob Devaney / Nebraska
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"In Alabama, an atheist is someone who doesn't believe in Bear Bryant."
- Wally Butts / Georgia
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"I never graduated from Iowa. I was only there for two terms - Truman's and Eisenhower's."
– Alex Karras / Iowa
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"My advice to defensive players is to take the shortest route to the ball, and arrive in a bad humor.”
- Bowden Wyatt / Tennessee
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"I could have been a Rhodes Scholar except for my grades."
- Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State
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"Always remember Goliath was a 40-point favorite over David."
- Shug Jordan / Auburn
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"I asked Darrell Royal, the coach of the Texas Longhorns, why he didn't recruit me ."
He said, "Well, Walt, we took a look at you, and you weren't any good."
- Walt Garrison / Oklahoma State
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"Son, you've got a good engine, but your hands aren't on the steering wheel."
- Bobby Bowden / Florida State
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"Football is NOT a contact sport, it is a collision sport.
DANCING is a contact sport."
Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State
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After USC lost 51-0 to Notre Dame, his post-game message to his team was;
"All those who need showers, take them."
- John McKay / USC
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"If lessons are learned in defeat, our team is getting a great education.”
- Murray Warmath / Minnesota
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"The only qualifications for a lineman are to be big and dumb. To be a back, you only have to be dumb."
- Knute Rockne / Notre Dame
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"We live one day at a time and scratch where it itches."
- Darrell Royal / Texas
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"We didn't tackle well today, but we made up for it by not blocking."
- John McKay / USC
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"I've found that prayers work best when you have big players."
- Knute Rockne / Notre Dame
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Ohio State's Urban Meyer on one of his players,
"He doesn't know the meaning of the word fear.
In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn't know the meaning of a lot of words.”
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Why do Auburn fans wear orange?
So they can dress that way for the game on Saturday, go hunting on Sunday, and pick up trash on Monday.
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What does the average Alabama player get on his SATs?
Drool.
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How many Michigan State freshmen football players does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That's a sophomore course.
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How did the Auburn football player die from drinking milk?
The cow fell on him.
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Two Texas A&M football players were walking in the woods.
One of them said, " Look, a dead bird."
The other looked up in the sky and said, "Where?"
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What do you say to a Florida State University football player dressed in a three-piece suit?
"Will the defendant please rise."
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If three Rutgers football players are in the same car, who is driving?
The police officer.
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How can you tell if a Clemson football player has a girlfriend?
There's tobacco juice on both sides of the pickup truck.
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What do you get when you put 32 Arkansas cheerleaders in one room?
A full set of teeth.
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University of Michigan Coach Jim Harbaugh is only going to dress half of his players for the game this week .
The other half will have to dress themselves.
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How is the Kansas football team like an opossum?
They play dead at home and get killed on the road
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How do you get a former University of Miami football player off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.