Theological Chicken
Why Did the Theological Chicken Cross the Road?
I forgot who passed this on to me, but thank you.
- Pelagius: Because the chicken was able to.
- Irenaeus: The glory of God is the chicken fully alive.
- John Wesley: The chicken's heart was strangely warmed.
- C.S. Lewis: If a chicken finds itself with a desire that nothing on this side can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that it was created for the other side.
- Billy Graham: The chicken was surrendering all.
- Pluralist: The chicken took one of many equally valid roads.
- Universalist: All chickens cross the road.
- Martin Luther: The chicken was fleeing the Antichrist who stole the Gospel with his papist lies.
- Tim LaHaye: The chicken didn’t want to be left behind.
- James White: I reject chicken centered eisegesis.
- Rob Bell: The chicken. Crossed the road. To get. Cool glasses.
- Joel Osteen: The chicken crossed the road to maximize his personal fulfillment so they he could be all that God created him to be.
- Rick Warren: The chicken was purpose driven.
- John Piper: God decreed the event to maximize his glory, or it was an act of Christian hedonism.
- Roger Olson: The chicken recognizes no clear evangelical boundaries.
- Mark Driscoll: A bleeping chicken crossed the road to go get a beer.
- Gary Demar: The chicken was fleeing the destruction of Jerusalem in AD 70. That's it.
- Jim Wallis: The chicken is an organizer for Occupy Barnyard.
- Emergent: For this chicken, it's not the destination that's important. It's the journey itself.
- N.T. Wright: This act of the chicken, which would be unthinkable in British barnyards, reeks of that American individualism that is destructive to community.
- Al Mohler: When a chicken begins to think theologically, he has no other alternative but to come over to the Calvinist side of the road.
- Michael Horton: The chicken was forsaking the kingdom of this world to live solely in the Kingdom of Christ.
- John Frame: The chicken had an existential need to change its situation according to a new norm.
- T.F. Torrance: The inner logic of the incarnation proved an irresistible draw to the other side of the road.
- Dietrich Bonhoeffer: He was abandoning cheap grace for the costly discipleship of risking the dangers of crossing the road.
- Karl Barth: The crossing of the road, like all true theology, was done for profoundly Christological reasons. All chickens cross the road in the end.
- Paul Tillich: Because he sensed that the other side of the road represented the ground of all being.
- New Ager: Because he saw the light beckoning him forward.
- Fundamentalist: Because his pastor told him so.
- To which I add my own (sadly, not original) --
Dr. Martin Luther King: I dream of the day when a chicken can cross the road without having its motives questioned.
