Aphorisms
An aphorism is a statement of truth or opinion expressed in a concise and witty manner. The term is often applied to philosophical, moral and literary principles.
- I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble,,, but shouldn't that be an even number?
- I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.
- When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body. Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
- elationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
- You know that tingly little feeling you get when you love someone? That's your common sense leaving your body.
- My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll just see about that.
- I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been Googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
- Money talks ... but all mine ever says is good-bye.
- You're not fat, you're just a lot easier to see.
- If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
- I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, "Here, fill this out?"
- I can’t understand why women are OK that JC Penney has an older women’s clothing line named, "Sag Harbor."
- Denny’s has a slogan, "If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us." If you’re in Denny’s and it’s your birthday, your life sucks!
- The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can go in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.
- I think it's pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.
- Money can’t buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!
- The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.
