Puns for Educated Minds
- The roundest knight at King
Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too
- I thought I saw an eye doctor
on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
- She was only a whiskey maker,
but he loved her still.
- A rubber band pistol was
confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math
- The butcher backed into the
meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
- No matter how much you push
the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
- A dog gave birth to puppies
near the road and was cited for littering.
- A grenade thrown into a
kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
- Two silk worms had a race.
They ended up in a tie.
- Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.
- A hole has been found in the
nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
- Atheism is a non-prophet
- Two hats were hanging on a hat
rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, "You stay here;
I'll go on a head."
- I wondered why the baseball
kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
- A sign on the lawn at a drug
rehab center said: "Keep off the Grass."
- A small boy swallowed some
coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother
telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, "No change yet."
- A chicken crossing the road is
poultry in motion.
- The short fortune-teller who
escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
- The man who survived mustard
gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
- A backward poet writes inverse.
- In democracy it's your vote
that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
- When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
- Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!
- What's another name for Santa's elves? Subordinate clauses.
- Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender asks if he wants a drink.
"I think not," Descartes says. And then he disappears.
- Where do cats go when they die? Purrgatory. [I've been told this pun
also works well in Spanish.]
- I entered 10 puns into a contest to see if any of them would win,
but no pun in ten did.