By way of Geraldine Hraban, original source unknown.
PARAPROSDOKIANS are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected and is frequently humorous. Winston Churchill loved them!
- Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
- The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
- Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
- If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
- We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
- War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
- Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
- They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
- Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my desk is a work station.
- I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
- In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
- I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
- Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
- Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
- A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
- You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
- Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
- There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
- I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
- You're never too old to learn something stupid.
- To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
- Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
- Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
- Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
- Where there's a will, there are relatives.
- I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder for me to find one now!