I have more but can't find them.
There once was a blonde who was very tired of blonde jokes and insults directed at her intelligence. So, she cut and dyed her hair, got a make-over, got in her car, and began driving around in the country. Suddenly, she came to a herd of sheep in the road. She stopped her car and went over to the shepherd who was tending to them. "If I can guess the exact number of sheep here, will you let me have one?" she asked. The shepherd, thinking this was a pretty safe bet, agreed. "You have 171 sheep," said the blonde in triumph. Surprised, the shepherd told her to pick out a sheep of her choice. She looked around for a while and finally found one that she really liked. She picked it up and was petting it when the shepherd walked over to her and asked, "if I can guess your real hair color, will you give me my dog back?"
from Hakan Ergenekon on Facebook 11/20/2014
Two blondes walk into a bar. The brunette ducks.
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the Loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind Of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz SL 500. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at The blond for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my Car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
A Blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, also blonde. The cop asked to see the driver's license. Fumbling through her purse in growing agitation, she asked, "What does it look like?"
"It's square and has your picture on it," the policewoman replied.
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it, and handed it to the officer. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back, saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."
A blonde city girl named Amy marries a Colorado rancher.
One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Amy, "The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today, so I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above where the cow's stall is in the barn. Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?"
The rancher leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when Amy sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one right here."
The man, assuming he is dealing with an air head blond, asks, "Tell me lady, cause I'm dying to know; how would YOU know that this is the right cow to be bred?"
"That's simple," she said. "By the nail that's over its stall," she explains very confidently.
Laughing rudely at her, the man says, "And what, pray tell, is the nail for?"
The blond turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder, "I guess it's to hang your pants on."
It's nice to see a blonde winning once in a while!
On a bitterly cold winter morning a husband and wife were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say, "We are gonna have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You need to park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snow plows can get through." So the good wife went out and moved her car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, “We're expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snow plows can get through." The good wife went out and moved her car again.
The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer once again says, “We’re expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park...." Then the electric power went out.
The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park so the snow plows can get through?"
Then with all the love and understanding that most men married to blondes exhibit, the husband said, “Honey, why don't you just leave the car in the garage this time?".
A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde flight attendant to take care of them for him. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator. He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in an arrogant manner that he was a lawyer, and threatened what would happen to her if she let them thaw out.
Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in New Orleans please raise your hand?"
Not one hand went up ... so she took them home and ate them.
There are two lessons here:
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?'
The agent replies, 'Just a minute.'
'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.
Hi Mom, it's me.
"Hi Sally, are you okay? I thought you were with your father at the Home Depot store, looking for a drill."
"Yeah, I was, but I got arrested and they've let me make one phone call, and that's why I'm calling you."
"Oh my god, what happened?"
"Oh, I punched this African-American woman in the face."
"What on earth ... Why did you do that?"
"Well, it really wasn't my fault. Dad told me to find a Black and Decker."