Frank photo

Bad Day

I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.

"Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears. "Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd cry. I can't stand to see a man crying."

"This is the worst day of my life," I said. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another man ... and then my dog bit me."

"So, I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all. I buy a drink; I drop a capsule in it and sit here watching the poison dissolve. Then you show up and drink the whole damn thing!

But, Hell, enough about me, how are you doing?"

What Are the Odds?

A hitchhiker was finally picked on a very dark, very remote country road. After he got into the car the hitchhiker said, "I was afraid you might not stop, thinking I might be serial killer."

The driver answered, "I thought of that, but what are the odds of two serial killers ending up in the same car?'"

Assume

A cub TV news reporter was assigned to cover the fire that was approaching the town. His office had arranged for a plane. As he hurriedly arrived at the airport, he hopped into the plane warming up outside the hangar and authoritatively instructed, "Let's go!" Once aloft, he asked the pilot to fly low over the valley so he can photograph the fire. When the pilot asked why, he explained his assignment.

After a quiet moment, the pilot stammered, "So, you're not my flying instructor?"

Bathroom Privilege

In a busy hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied. A nurse noticed his predicament. Sir, she said "You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall." He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. Each button was identified by letters: WW, WA, PP, and a red one labeled ATR. Who would know if he touched them? He couldn't resist.. He pushed WW. warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. What a nice feeling, he thought. Men restrooms don't have nice things like this. Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside. When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flower to this unbelievable pleasure. The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure. When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.

Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him. "What happened?" he exclaimed. "The last thing I remember was pushing the ATR button."

"The button ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your penis is under your pillow."